Thursday, December 26, 2013

What I've learned from Holiday Anxiety.

Now that Christmas is Over for another 365 days, I can confess: I kinda hate Christmas.  This year, it started as just a nagging feeling that we never have enough money and that I'm kind of a disorganized mess.  I forgot my secret santa presents (that I actually planned out but ended up doing 1/2 ass because of my unwillingness to take the time to do the projects.  We felt dissatisfied with our gift decisions and guilty about not having the money to get anything for anyone--Call it Pregnancy Hormones/Fatigue/Pressure, or whatever you want to call it, but I know it's none of those things and that I always feel that way.

The anxiety really hit about an hour (or maybe two, or three--depending on if you count the time I woke up at 3:30 to my old dog wanting to be let out of the house & stayed awake (after first hiding the Elf-on-the-Shelf in the medicine cabinet in our room) while lying in bed.  Chris and I had mixed feelings about the amount we spent on Marley, whether he was going to be happy, whether he got too much.  We were on edge about the whole thing for a few days.  Everyone had really gone over the top with him and I had major fears about his recent meltdowns on what should be a day of being grateful.

It turns out my son woke up and gave me a hug before he even showed interest in any of his gifts and once he did, he went one by one, playing with each one and pretty much got bored of opening before he even got to all of the smaller, more thoughtful things I got him---books, coloring stuff, things he enjoys but doesn't come with voice control or a big box.  The rest of the day he acted wonderful showing off his gifts, remembering who gave him what and being pretty grateful for everything.  My kid is pretty awesome & all of my anxiety clearly wasn't worth it because everything went well with him.  It was my own inadequacies that made me have anxiety. . . 

Despite the nice breakfast and homemade gifts from Marley,   I seem to always fall short when it comes to the Holiday thing.  And it sucks to suck.  So as my anxious thoughts had time to settle, I got a few ideas to help me out in 2014 so that maybe I can just avoid this feeling in the future...I spend a lot of time looking at Pinterest.  I am relatively crafty, but not nearly as crafty as my Mother-in-Law who is Martha Stewart on extra-strength caffeine pills.  But I have an eye for photos and paper-crafting, I have a college degree and some pretty good computer skilss--plus, a husband who can build/make anything, I should be spending more time doing and less time mindlessly surfing the internet. 

As for what I learned, and how I plan to be more prepared and less anxious next year, in upcoming weeks I'll write about just how these things are going to work out:

Spread the Love--a year long Holiday budget & planning method.

Featuring the 12 days of Christmas.

These goals/plans will fit right in with my other goals for the year focusing on becoming more organized and less time starved so that I can do all of the things that I want to do.  (More on that later).

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